Things I Swore I’d Never Do as a Mom… That I Now Do Weekly (if not daily)

Before I had kids, I was full of wisdom. I judged silently (okay, not that silently) and swore I’d never become that mom — you know, the one bribing their toddler with chocolate at 6:43 AM.

Flash forward to now, where I’ve said “Okay, but last one” 47 times and reheated the same coffee cup four times in one morning.

Here’s my totally non-exhaustive, slightly shameful list of things I swore I’d never do… but now do on a regular basis.

1. Bribery as a parenting tool

"If you eat three more bites, you can have a marshmallow." I’m not proud. But I am tired.

2. Letting them watch TV so I can pee in peace

Pre-kids me: Screens rot brains! Now-me: Bluey is raising my children and honestly doing a great job.

3. Saying “Because I said so.”

I always thought I’d calmly explain everything. Now? I don’t have the energy or the will. I said so.

4. Eating their leftovers

I used to think moms eating fish fingers and half-bitten toast was a stereotype. Now I dip them in mayo like it’s fine dining.

5. Googling their symptoms and spiraling

Dr. Google says it’s probably just a cold. Or a rare disease only 3 people have ever had. Who can say, really?

6. Letting them sleep in my bed

I said I’d sleep-train. They said no. We all lost. Most nights, both my kids are cuddled up with me in my bed.

7. Hiding snacks in the bathroom

Don’t ask what the kids are doing while I’m in here with a KitKat. Just know that I’m safe, and the sugar helped.

Closing Thought...

I may have broken every one of my “perfect mom” promises, but I’ve gained perspective, humility… and a lot of baby wipes.

If you’re doing the things you swore you wouldn’t, just know — you’re in excellent company. Motherhood is wild — but at least we’re not alone in it.

Thanks for hanging out here at Momapocalypse.

Sending love, crumbs, and caffeine,

Lauren x